So usually when I hop on the old bloggin machine it’s to give college football picks or to just rant and rave about whatever trivial nonsense is bothering me that day. Now, if you follow me on twitter @Harry__Mac you probably know I’m a massive New York Jets fan. I tend not to write about the Jets because, well, nobody wants to hear, read, or see anything about the Jets. Shit I grew up watching this team and am far too invested in their success and I barely wanna read see or hear shit about them because 99.99% of the time, the news is actually bad and not good and I just wind up depressed/homicidally angry. With all that being said, I simply had to put the pen to paper to express my frustration with the incompetence of this organization from top to bottom and lash out at people who probably don’t deserve it.
I just wrote 1000 words describing my thoughts on the hire succinctly and on a statistical basis. I quickly deleted all of it because stats and data simply cannot truly capture how terrible of a hire this was and how fucking angry I am.
Adam Gase is the new head coach of the New York Jets. Yes, that Adam Gase, the one who was the pinnacle of mediocrity in Miami. The same Adam Gase who ran Jarvis Landry and Jay Ajayi right out of town. The same Adam Gase whose entire locker room despised him and who reportedly clashed with ownership and refused to take any accountability for the shitshow he had wrought in Miami. The same Adam Gase who has bungled Ryan Tannehill’s development and who has learned nothing. Oh and for any fan as delusional as I am who thought “Ok, maybe this shmuck will learn from his mistakes in Miami and hire a competent staff and build something here” congratulations, you’re a fucking idiot! Gase is bringing (fired) Miami OC Dowell Loggains with him. No, Dowell is not a small wooden rod used in construction of Ikea furniture. Dowell is however a terrible OC who coached the Dolphins to a stellar 27th overall in points for and 31st overall in yardage this past season. Great! Next, we got the Gregg Williams cock tease treatment for the DC spot, a move I would’ve been very here for, only to find out Gase will most likely be bringing the newly unemployed Vance Joseph on as the DC. For anyone wondering, he is also actually bad.
We had options man. Kingsbury. Monken. Rhule. Kris Richards. McCarthy. Motherfucker I would’ve even taken Jim Caldwell and those dead emotionless eyes over Adam fucking Gase. But nope. This franchise interviewed all the sexy names, weighed the options, and then delivered a swift donkey punch coupled with a kick in the dick to the entire fanbase. Very Jets. Speaking of the fan base, there’s a few things I’d like to address. Every poll I’ve seen has the approval rating for this hiring sitting somewhere between 20-30%, and my question is can 20-30% of our fanbase really be that fucking stupid? I thought inbreeding was more of a deep south thing but I might need to examine some family trees in the greater NY area because there’s something going on. I am going to address the takes I’ve seen in order of stupidity and try to cite my work on the twitter machine because I’m more than happy to slander all of these slack jawed mouth breathing idiots.
Take 1 (Takequake level bad take) – “Adam Gase never had a QB or good enough roster to succeed in Miami” This one here is a putridly bad take. Not only was Gase tasked with developing Ryan Tannehill in his age 25 season (still young), but he also had personnel control you stupid fucking idiots. So, if he didn’t like Tannehill, he could’ve gone out and drafted or signed another QB, and as for the deficiencies that plagued the rest of Miami’s roster, he was pretty much responsible for that too. If this is your take, I want you to go to Flint Michigan and just take a nice long bath, making sure to drink and ingest an amount of lead that would render you an actual vegetable rather than just being a person with the intelligence of an actual vegetable.
Exhibits: And no, it is not just idiot fans, but real people who report on this team have this same awful take. Looking at you Coz you slippery fuck.
“He did not have a QB in Miami and was too poor at making personnel decisions to realize that very apparent fact” Fixed that for you.
Take 2 – Peyton Manning vouched for Adam Gase so he must be a great coach!!!!1!!!!1!
Hey dummys, I know people forget but let me refresh your memory via The Phinsider – “Gase is said to remain close to Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, whom he coached from 2012 to 2014. Manning has given Gase endorsements to become a head coach, and has repeatedly pointed out Gase’s role in the Denver offense, an offense where many felt Gase rode on Manning’s coattails. Cleveland.com’s Mary Kay Cabot even speculates that Gase and Manning could re-unite at some point in the future, potentially after Manning retires from playing, with the possibility that Manning moves into a front-office type of role.” This article is dated January 9th, 2016. Question, did Manning’s endorsement magically make Gase a good coach in Miami? Answer: Heavens no. Question, is there any reason to believe that his endorsement means anymore 4 failed seasons later? I think you know what i’m getting at here. A dumb interim owner had Peyton Manning hit his line and was so starstruck he just sat there and nodded with his mouth open like some blithering moron who’s just happy he isn’t confined to the kids table at dinner in the Johnson household (anymore).
I could keep going as the special thing about twitter is it is a bottomless cesspool of the worst takes humanity has ever been exposed to but this is really starting to just take an emotional toll on me. It’s been almost a full 24 hours and I’ve shed some of the anger and I’m just in a sad phase right now. Jamal Adams, who was incredibly vocal during the coaching search has been radio silent since the hire which can’t be a good omen. Everyone’s going on about how Darnold likes Gase but here’s a take, Darnold and Adam Gase have the same agent. He’s a god damn serpent named Jimmy Sexton and I’m relatively sure this hire is his Mona Lisa. He used Darnold as leverage to get the organization to sign his guy. I’m not even mad at him, that fat fuck is gonna make over 20 million this year and he can clearly finagle. What I am mad about is the Jets being so god damn stupid, such a fucking joke, that Sexton looked at Chris Johnson and Mac and just saw a couple of dumb marks.
Alright let’s wrap this up before I smash my laptop into a billion pieces right here in my office. This was a terrible choice that I believe can set both the franchise and Darnold back significantly. That is my take and it’s the right one. HOWEVA. For all you idiots telling me you can’t wait till i’m so wrong and have to eat crow and blah blah blah, I have one message:
I HOPE I’M WRONG. NO ONE WILL BE HAPPIER TO BE WRONG THAN ME. I’LL EAT EVERY CROW ON THE EASTERN SEABOARD AND I’LL DO IT WITH GLEE. SO STOP FUCKING TELLING ME TO “rally behind our guy” and “support the team through thick and thin”. FUCK THAT. I’VE DONE THAT SHIT FOR YEARS AND HERE WE ARE AND I SIMPLY WON’T FALL FOR IT AGAIN. I am going to be bitter and angry and upset and every other emotion I can think of right up until the offseason officially begins. At that point, I will get on board and support the shitty coach mostly because I don’t gain very much from rooting for him to fail. So, hopefully we come out and win some football games and Darnold takes a step. Either that or I hope Gase is so bad that Mac gets fired after this season and the new gm picks his own coach. I have yet to decide which I would actually prefer.
P.s This blog was gonna go up at 2 pm and I wound up in a meeting from 2-6 which should be a criminal offense of some sort so for that I apologize. I know that this is objectively not a good blog and not well written but I had to just let my jumbled brain and heart rip. Enjoy my misery because I sure don’t.