week 1 nfl recap: “it’s a marathon, not a sprint”

first off, please see this tweet from one of the most loyal mook’s in the game.

with that being said, i didn’t have a horrible week. it was more like an adjustment week. week 1 is for feeling out the teams and drawing simple conclusions to build on the rest of the season. for example, we now know that we can bet against arizona or buffalo every week and probably win. huge conclusion. we also know that kc is legit, ryan fitzpatrick isn’t a scrub, the patriots are still covering spreads, etc.

anyway, after the dust settled you probably ended up somewhere around even or up a bit of money. it depends what money lines you rode during the 4pm games. kc cashed in at +155 which could’ve put you in the black.

yet, if you rode the packers and bears half time lines with me (of course rodgers came back in) you got dicked on the night game and may have ended up down a little.

so including the eagles thursday night game, i went a mediocre 6-6-1 which includes my bear half time bet last night. that makes me want to yack, but it also is an indicator that i have a general feel of the league. let’s go over some of the bad beats we got this weekend.

first off, i can’t tell if the saints suck or the bucaneers are good. either way, if you thought the bucs would win 48-40 me and you need to go to vegas asap because you’re a god damn wizard. the over was a lock so that’s on me for not finding that. saints -10 was a loser if i’ve ever seen one.

andrew luck is back but the colts suck. the bengals were one of my best bets this week but it didn’t look like a lock off the bat. i underestimated andrew luck, who went 39/53 in his first game back, which meant the under was cooked. that’s on me for giving luck 0 credit off the bat.

if nate peterman didn’t suck more cocks than lisa ann the under would’ve covered. nate peterman is officially disgustingly bad. i honestly underestimated how bad he actually was. he single handedly destroyed the under in the baltimore/buffalo game. if they don’t start josh allen this week they mine as well dissolve as a franchise. fuck you, nate.

the patriots are still spread covering machines. i’m happy this is back. i absolutely love leaning on tom brady to cover spreads. it’s automatic. also, the texans have a lot of work to do which contributed to the pats covering -6.5. but that’s patriots football son.

cleveland can play football. shout out to the browns for breaking their losing streak, i guess? a tie is better than a loss but what a cuckhold for that franchise. they had so many opportunities to beat a solid steelers team. anyway, the browns will be competing this year as i’ve said before, so we can bank on them for a few more covers throughout the season.

the chiefs are legit. patty mahommes and tyreke hill looked like a pair of studs on sunday and i couldn’t be happier. i’m a huge andy reid guy, i’m rooting for mahommes in general, and i have tyreke hill on my fantasy team (not that anyone cares). so i am officially an unofficial chiefs fan if that makes sense. i will be riding kc all year.

i underestimated cam newton. cam ran all over dallas. all fucking over them when they needed it. that kind of play reminds me of how talented he is, and how he can simply dominate a game. even if i underestimated cam, dallas kind of blows. zeke didn’t get anything going, dak looked average at best, and their best receiver is cole beasely. might be a long season for dallas.

arizona sucks. sam bradford….is that enough explanation for you. but really, the skins aren’t going to be bad this year at times. their entire game depends on alex smith who is a proven starter in this league. i’m not going to give the skins a ton of credit cause the cardinals blow, but they looked decent. especially with the combination of adrian peterson and chris thompson.

aaron rodgers is an absolute savage. we witnessed an all time classic rodgers game last night and i’m not even mad that i lost 2 bets on it. i’m not sure what his health status is, but if he can go the rest of the season i’m throwing bread on the packers every week. you just can’t defend against that performance.

more to come.

-not, not true.

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