Guess what fuckers, I just got back from vacation. Where did I Go? disney World. Let me tell you, Disney World’s a great place to go if “death my stroller” sounds like the way you want to go out. The Orlando MILF game is strong, but not strong enough to make up for the occasional overweight mom from middle America shove a Mickey Mouse ice cream bar in her face while holding her kid on a leash.
Coming back from my vacation, I was faced with the sad, miserable truth of my life: I fucking hate my job. Like if I had a choice between laying in traffic and going back to work, I bring a pillow and a Teddy bear with me to the middle of the Garden State Parkway. Luckily for me, I might be making an exciting new turn in my professional life. One day while sitting in a depressed state of boredom at my 9-5, I found an add for job opening…job openings for flight attendants.
Imagine that, I could be a trailblazer and role model for all male flight attendants everywhere. By now I’m sure you’re asking yourself “why the fuck would this internet dingbat was to be a flight attendant?” Well, here’s a few pretty good reason.
#3: See the World: I swear we all must know atlas one white girl who want to “see the world” and tries to beach e a flight attendant. She yearns for the adventure that her upper-middle class upbringing couldn’t bring her and to take hot dog leg selfies on every different continent (even Antartica). Well if a girl can dream, why can’t I? Maybe I yearn for adventure too! Maybe I want work to take me to more exotic locales than the coffee machine in the break room! Maybe I want more adventure than listening to the receptionist Janet talk about her divorce from her ex-husband for the millionth. Seriously, Janet, after hearing your story every day for the past few years it’s obvious YOU were the problem.
#2: The Women: If you’ve ever taken any flight, ever, on any airline you know flight attendants are predominately female. Seriously, the ratio of girls to guys in the flight attendant industry is the one that frat parties dream of. Who cares if I’m slightly overweight and tell terrible jokes, who do I have to fight against? I’m there and I’m straight, so I’m already like a god to the flying playboy bunnies of Frontier Airlines. In any job, hooking up with coworkers is inevitable. People able to do that, and join the mile high club is just a plus.
#1: You Get To Be A Dick To People: I’ve met some pretty nice flight attendants, but then again I’ve met some who were absolute assholes. Is it annoying, yes, it then again, look where you are. You’re flying 30,000 feet in the air what are you going to do if there a bitch o you? Go somewhere else? By default, flight attendants can pretty much get away with whatever the fuck they want. dont believe me? Remember last year when they helped cops drag a dude off a plane and literally nothing happened to them? So if I want to tell you off while I pour half a can of Sprite in a plastic cup for you? What’re you gonna do about it. Are you gonna ask for my manager? Good luck, my manager is in the fucking cockpit driving your wine drunk ass to visit your sister in Milwaukee. Nice try but sit down and shut up.