i fucked myself out of a free happy hour

if you read this blog on the daily (i love you if you do so), you know i am fucked with summer classes. i am literally in jail monday through thursday from 5:30-8:30pm. that’s like locking up a lion in a cage during prime hunting hours. or trying to keep zach galifianakis out of chucky cheese on the weekends. fucking brutal.

anyway, i do have a little leeway with these classes. throughout the semester, i was able to have 2 unexcused absences in each class. huge come up, yet i find myself with one week of class left and no absences to spare. let’s recap how i fucked myself.

every summer for the past 3 years i’ve played softball. i’m a huge softball guy, especially when you play with washed up old dudes that literally can’t run. it makes me feel like mike trout, but that’s another story for another day.

anyway, i used up 2 absences to go to softball games because i fucking love it so much. i don’t learn anything in class anyway, and i’d much rather shit on old men than have one spew to me for 3 hours. sue me.

then, i had a playoff softball game which took place during the same class that i already skipped twice. fuck. i had a dilemma on my hands. so, i pulled a classic college move, and played my ace. the email went like this.

“professor, my grandfather has passed. i need to be with my family right now. i hope you understand.”

yeah, i’m a fuck face, but the grandpa that i was referring to is already dead so fuck you too.

unexcused absence, and i was in the clear yet again. boy, am i smart.


today, that bad karma came back and fucked me like bill clinton fucked monica lewinsky.

today, of all days, i was invited to a happy hour that is being hosted by a dear friend of mine. food and drinks were free, plus, all of my friends were going.

fuck. my. life.

now, as all my friends are sipping on drinks, eating dank food, and living life; here i sit in class blogging about how i want to be there. it’s not like i learn anything from this shmuck professor anyway, but if i skipped again i would lose 10% of my grade. also, i’m really in no position to tell him another relative of mine passed, so i have to suck this up.

pour one out for me at happy hour, fuckers.

-not, not true.

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