nfl players report to camp looking like asshats

it’s that time of the year again. training camp has officially begun and players are rolling up ready to start the season. i have a half chub just typing this.

anyway, training camp is always interesting. players fighting for starting positions, rookies who are looking to impress, and there’s always that guy who’s like a plumber or something that’s fighting just to make the practice squad.

right now i don’t have time to give an in depth look at training camp story lines. frankly, i have a paper due on bernie madoff at 5:30 and i know nothing about the guy, so i’m keeping this light and fun.

here, we have carson wentz arriving at training camp like a god damn champion. nothing flashy or wild, he’s just ready to put in work and bring the super bowl back to philly.

here we have cam newton.

cam cam cam cam cam. always a god damn deal. what, is he going to race princess peach and wario in mario cart or some shit? i mean, i guess it’s a cool tricycle, but cam should be focused on winning games, then worry about how he’s going to get around training camp looking like an ass hole.

now, onto ty montgomery.

sheeeeet my dude has some swag. fun fact, ty was on my fantasy team last year and if he didn’t get injured he would’ve had one hell of a season. i’m a big fan of him and his pimped out ride.

now onto the biggest of deals, fucking demarcus lawrence.

alright bro, we get it. cool tank. the cowboys suck and i hate them so no props to him. he might need that when he plays the eagles because we are literally going to blow them up all over the field, but he definitely doesn’t need that for training camp. what’s the mileage on that thing anyway? do you even care about the environment, bro?

last, but certainly not least, antonio brown.

a helicopter? honestly, it’s kind of an alpha move but i still hate it. just show up with your lunch pail ready to ball. i wonder what big ben thinks about this?

if you look across the league, you’ll see goons rolling up in “style” to training camp. you don’t need style. you need grit and heart. you know who showed that today? carson motherfucking wentz. that’s why the eagles are going to be the super bowl champs, again.

side not, look at jason kelce being an absolute stud on the sax last night.

that’s a true man of the people. absolute beautiful rendition of fly eagles fly right, and it goes to show how much he loves philly and how much we love him right back.

god bless football season, and fly eagles fly.

-not, not true.

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