2018 espy awards: odds and picks

tonight are the espy’s. it’s a chance for espn to push their liberal agenda and try to seem cool in the public eye, even though they’re a bunch of liberal cuck lords.

look, i’m not an espn guy. they lie, deceive, and use their platform to push political agenda’s. yet, i don’t mind the espy’s. occasionally it’s entertaining and funny like last year when peyton manning roasted kevin durant.

let’s hope there are some moments like that tonight.

danica patrick is hosting tonight. i’m definitely a fan of that gasoline murdering fire cracker. my admiration of her stems from her infamous go daddy commercials which were edgy to say the least.

anyway, the espy’s present us all with a chance to gamble. so, grab a glass of wine, throw in a fresh juul pod, and throw some money down on some winners and have yourself a night.

best male athlete

Tom Brady: -200
Alex Ovechkin: +175
James Hardin: +500
Jose Altuve: +1500

fuck tom brady. he’s a pretty-boy-ugg- boot-wearing chump that lost the super bowl to my philadelphia eagles. no shot he wins here. i like ovechkin +175 solely because he finally got the stanley cup. there’s a decent amount of value there. also, harden +500 is intriguing because he’s a god damn specimen on the court. he’s my long shot.

best championship performance

Kevin Durant: -300
Nick Foles: +300
George Springer: +600
Donte DiVincenzo: +750

kevin durant? lol. i didn’t know a rattle snake could be nominated for an award. his finals performance is more unmemorable than the last time i blacked out at chili’s. i don’t remember shit. anyway, i love foles here, and not only because i’m a birds fan. his playoff run was unreal, and he outplayed tom brady who is arguably the best quarterback of all time. never forget the philly special. foles +300 is value.

best breakthrough athlete

Sloan Stephens: -135
Ben Simmons: +150
Alvin Kamara: +500
Donovan Mitchell: +750

who the fuck is sloan stephens?

anyway, simmons, kamara, and mitchell all had amazing years and it’s tough to decide between those 3. i might ride donavon mitchell just because that value is insane and he lost to simmons in the roy vote, so maybe they throw him one here. the safe bet is simmons +150.

best college athlete

Katie Ledecky: -150
Baker Mayfield: +250
Aja Wilson: +350
Jalen Brunson: +600

again, who the fuck is katie ledecky? yeah, i don’t care, but i will be throwing money on baker mayfield. it’s more of a fun bet than a smart bet, but i can’t pass up an opportunity to bet on baker. +250 it is.

best team 

Golden State Warriors: +100
US Women’s Ice Hockey: +450
Philadelphia Eagles: +600
Washington Capitals: +600
Houston Astros; +750
Villanova Wildcats: +750
Notre Dame Fighting Irish: +1500

if golden state takes home this category, “best team” would be the most boring espy of all time. it’s too obvious and dry. i like the eagles +600 because of how much national attention they got during their super bowl run. every knows of the warriors, but america just got a big whiff of the hungry dogs. go birds +600. long shot, notre dame. they had a crazy march.

those are the picks. don’t be surprised if we get snubbed on a lot of these because espn has an agenda to push. they will probably give the awards to the women in each category, and not that anything is wrong with that, but it gives them a chance to highlight how “progressive” they are. again, nothing against women, but they are the favorites in these categories for a reason. everyone knows espn’s deal.

-not, not true.

p.s. i love women.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: