it’s sunday and it’s hotter than camille kostek’s latest intagram post. like i said, hot. due to the heat, your ac’s and fans should be on full blast, and you should be drinking gallons of ice water. throw on a sleeveless, fill up your cups with a stupid amount of ice, and kick back and watch the red sox vs. yankees at 8pm. take the red sox by the way.
this weekend was mild and relaxing. i got into some brews with my buddies on friday night, which turned into a 10am shotgun start on saturday morning for the world cup. no literally, we were shotgunning beers at 10am for the france/argentina game. it was a day full of bagels, beer, and bets, which means today was more chill than jonah hill going on a starbucks run looking like this.
anyway, my weekend was very laid back. i may have consumed enough carbs to kill emily ratajakowski, but i’ll work them off during the week.
here’s what i’ve done on this heater of a sunday. woke up (given), ate a poppy seed bagel slightly toasted with extra cream cheese, downed two black iced coffees, wrote a blog, played 4 hours of fortnite, scooped juul pods, and now here i am.
for those 10 minutes i was outside walking to get pods i almost fainted. i highly recommend staying indoors today at all costs.
now onto the scaries. i am down a fuck ton of money on my book. not great. this is giving me a slight case of the sunday scaries because who the fuck wants to pay their bookie? i’m not done shooting though. i’m not the type of guy to roll over and let my bookie pet my belly like i’m a fucking yorkee. no chance. i’m on boston tonight for a couple units and mexico tomorrow to try and salvage my week. the thrill of getting back to even is too adrenaline riddled not to keep betting.
anyway, for those of you with extreme scaries here’s what you need to do. draw the shades in your room. take a hot shower, but order a pizza or chinese food before you hop in. get out of the shower and get your pizza. make a nice tall glass of ice water, and add some lemon to it for a little flavor. then, bring the ingredients to your bed, get your juul, turn on netflix or sunday night baseball and bam. you have your own little bunker.
alternate between the juul, water, and pizza, and by midnight you’ll forget any of the dumb shit that you did this weekend.
trust me, it works.
-not, not true.