Growing up, I always wondered if my mom had a lesbian crush on Judge Judy. Now that I’m older, I’m 100% sure she has a lesbian crush on Judge Judy. No matter what she’s doing, she makes it a point of her day to watch Judge Judy. The fucking world could literally be ending, and she would still carve time out of her day to be in front of a TV at 4:00 to watch two jabronis argue about a $2,000 car accident, or some unpaid rent and damages.
More likely than not, my loyal blog readers, you are not well acquainted with Judge Judy, but by the end of this funny internet article that’ll change. Why? Because earlier today, a Supreme Court justice retired, leaving a big ol’ vacancy for Donald Trump to fill. And that empty chair should be filled with no other than Judge Judith Sheindlin.
#3: The Endorsements: People are only as good as the company you keep, and Judge Judy keeps pretty damn good company. She’s had her celebrity friends ranging from Jim Harbaugh to Amy Schemer (I’m gonna deduct respect points for that one) stop by her fake TV courtroom. She’s been carried around by Mr. Large and in charge Shaq himself. And imagine the White House parties that would happen if she got to bring Judge Mathis as her plus one.
#2: The Longevity: Age is always a concern on the Supreme Court, because some of these judges rule until their old and shit. I have no clue how old Judge Judy is, but I’m pretty sure she’s immortal. It’s like she aged to middle aged and the universe was like “nah, this is as far as were gonna go”. The year could be 2055, a recently divorced from her eight marriage Arianna Grande could be president and yodeling Walmart kid could be Secretary of Defense, but Judge Judy will still be around and kicking.
#1: The Ratings: Donald Trump’s presidency is all about ratings! Remember when a grumpy little Sean Spicer announced that he had the largest crowd ever at his inauguration. PEROID. ? Remember when he used his government verified twitter account to complain about Apprentice ratings after he was elected? If there’s one thing Judge Judy knows, other than small claims court cases, it’s how to rake in an audience. Why do you think her shows been running since the Nixon administration (can someone fact check this, even though I’m pretty certain about it). Team up a high ratings winner like Donald Trump with a TV god like Judge Judy, and you got a better duo than me and Mexican beer.