i have the same breakfast every morning

ok, so i don’t have the same breakfast every morning, but it’s pretty damn often. of course, when i’m home, or come across a jackpot of money, i ball out on a lox bagel or eggs benedict platter. yet, while at school, i am a peasant.

college is expensive. i have to buy juul pods, beer, and pay my bookie (almost) every week, so when i have a chance to save money i will. that’s why i eat the same breakfast everyday when i’m at school.

this isn’t flashy, healthy, or sexy. this is a man’s meal. this is pure fuel and nothing more. i think cave men would’ve loved this duo if they were around, but sadly they’re not so here i am.

every morning i roll up to my favorite food truck, pluck out my earphones, greet the asian lady that works in it with a warm smile, and order the same damn thing.

a large black iced coffee and a soft pretzel.

like i said, not flashy, but it does the job. the only things i need in the morning are carbs, caffeine, and my juul. that’s it. anything else is extra.

this “meal” is rocket fuel. the pretzel and coffee combo get your metabolism rolling, aka you’re due for a nice deuce after you finish the “meal”, and it gives you enough energy to power through your shitty morning.

did i mention that this “meal” costs $2.50? it’s probably the biggest reason why i buy it everyday. dunkin and starbucks all charge over $3 for their medium coffees. why would i ever do that when i can get a pretzel and large iced coffee for under that price???

that’s called being economical folks. i’m not a business major for nothing. as lil dicky once said, “we gonna save that money,” and god damn i am.

-not, not true.

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